and i didn't feel half as horrible...?

tomorrow is the first day of may! another new tag coming soon~ 

shrimp

another tuesday down. had a math test today, i think i did okay. frankly, i can't really focus on other classes as well because of that one class, which is honestly bothersome. in another round of wondering why i did this to myself again.

i think i'm getting to a certain point where school is creeping into this space more and more again, so i should stop talking about it. hm...

well, one of my closest friendos and i are planning to see a movie this saturday. the rerelease of rots, hopefully! to be frank i was never really interested enough to sit through a whole star wars movie, but i've always found the politics behind the whole clone wars era and the prequels fascinating. they look pretty, too.

not to mention, it's been a while since i've gone to a theater to watch a movie. i know people say it isn't as fun anymore, especially with the pricing being way up, but i've always enjoyed it when i could. it's nice to be in such a space.

sotd: love pledge and the arena by john williams

pick up again

back to the grind. as the exam's coming up, the only thing left for this class is practice assignments and the end-of-year project. so there's still a sliver of hope. itty bitty. i guess there always is, sometimes.

i went on another kat-tun / akanishi deep dive some days ago, and as you can probably tell already, there are fresh akanishi images~ i feel like someone who's gone out to sea whenever i say that, lolz... like honey i'm home..!!! with akanishi images???

actually, deep sea horror is something that's very interesting to me. and while many horrors are indeed classic or ancient fears that have propelled our evolution, i feel as if deep sea horror can still be expanded on a bit. or has it already reached the peak with tha kraken!!!!!! i love the kraken. 

sotd: grace & glory bbmh mix

the one i believe in

the caption of this image referred to this photo as akanishi's hypnotic gaze... i feel its effects, even through the screen, hehe~

had a nice day today. my mother made pancakes for breakfast, which i had with nutella and strawberries. they were really fluffy. then later on i got to do some shopping and picked up some cute stickers and another piperoid i actually haven't seen before!

and then i fell asleep for six hours. six. i couldn't believe it.

well, i'm gonna do some work and then get to bed... goodnight!

(frankly, i haven't updated the blog playlist in a long time. i really should. i don't even know how exactly long it's been...)

sotd: a slow waltz (piano version) by lullatone

day by day

today was a weird day. i spent it all on my computer, though. wrote my occasional bulletin, and made it look pretty~ didn't really do anything else of note, other than potentially start my may layout? it's... so weird though. it looks good, but weird. it was so hard to find images that fit the color scheme, and then i have the icon to worry about... blah! out of all colors, i had to choose periwinkle.

i'm still really tired though, somehow. but i have to go out tomorrow. well.

sotd: girl magnetic by got7

cross out

i'm devastated. i spent a good chunk of the day being two seconds away from crying if i opened my mouth, and then my brain disconnected, as it always does.

i did poorly on the test i studied so hard for this past month and a half. i watched videos, did al the work, studied the night before until 3 am. and what did i get for it? nothing.

my family has been supportive through the day, so that's a plus. i don't know what i'm going to do this weekend, now. i think i want to go out. don't know where, though. just give myself time...

sotd: float on my modest mouse

what's new?

may is almost coming... but i have no idea for a new layout! i've been so busy with school stuff and my other site that i haven't thought up of any changes. so... i guess it'll stay! i was briefly considering returning to the minidiscs, but. i dunno. i like this. it's fresh and cool, and flexible. 

besides-- as much as i hate to say this in regard to my layouts-- i have more pressing things to worry about right now. not better, because who wants to worry about grades? but they're more important currently. ugh.

and just think-- my life is gonna be worrying about grades for at least four more years. after i've already worried about them for, like, eleven of them? it's so trash.

at the very least i have no homework today. i spent the afternoon resting, ate some awesome chicken adobo my mom made (with freshly cooked rice aaaaaa), and i'll actually be able to get to bed early. so, at least there's reprieve.

sotd: expectation by girl's day (should i really be listening to such high-octane songs while my future is dependent on one grade? idk.)

freight train coming

listening to atdi's music so much, i've gotten the sense their songs would be pretty good for a piece of horror(...ish?) media. i'm getting a lot of inspiration from it, though it's all very disjointed right now. only brief flashes of scenes.

tearstreaks on paintings

i must admit something, as strange as it sounds. when i am distressed, there's a voice in my head that cries.

show

got accepted into my first webrings! don't they look nice? well, the alignment's off, but somehow i can't find a solution using inline css? it's because of the referenced css files. i'll see if i can join another webring to sit next to the s/i one so it doesn't look weird. anyway.

have a test to study for in ap chem. i actually need to hunker down for this one, i'm desperately banking on it helping my grade. and then i have a state test this week... this week is going to be miserable. oh well.

sotd: fuchsia moonrise

postponed at the first showing

today was a bad day. the hopelessness has returned to me. ate some good food, though, and got four hours of a nap in. i know it's not good to nap for any longer than one, but it's a better sleep schedule for me. so long as my anxious mind keeps me up too late. if i don't take an adequate midday sleep, i feel like utter trash for the entire day.

this week ahead will be rough. stormy seas are ahead. but calm seas never made good sailors, right?

sotd: 4 walls demo

seaweed salad

today was an interesting day. and i'm sorry for getting back so late, it was exhausting too.

fried egg

you know how people associate friday with some foods? like, fries. well, the only example i could come up is fries. but i remember younger me used to associate fried eggs with fridays, even though in those days i mainly ate them on saturday mornings? which is strange, but. 

friday. fried egg. ehehe. 

hourglass

another one of those days where time doesn't feel real-- but that's mainly because i wasn't feeling well and decided to stay at home today. the juniors are doing testing so most of my classes are pretty empty and we're doing easy stuff, so i figured it would be alright.

and then i slept for six extra hours, waking up at almost 4 pm. i was so disoriented, i thought it was only noon! even now, i think it should only be 9 or something, but it's nearly midnight. 

not much work to make up, so i spent most of my time listening to music and writing for school. a scholarship and some poetry analysis. it felt peaceful, actually, to only write and analyze. i think it helps to reassure me in my major / career choice. 

if only i could do that all day.

sotd: no idea by gap girls

toast with jam

i've had today's sotd on repeat all day-- the energy is off the charts, and i know for a fact that performing this in karaoke is ascension. i found it because of paramore, but obvi it's a totally amazing song on its own. i wanna listen to more of their songs now.

i don't really have much else to say for today... there's a lot going on, i don't know which way to think. i'm panicking, but also not. deep breaths. one moment at a time. though, because i've been listening to some new songs, i have some new writing ideas. 

in emac news, the last copy of the discs i could find has sold out... fudge. what am i gonna do now??? ugh!

anyway. today's title-- i actually don't really eat toast that much. and if it's with jam, the jam is on top of a layer of cream cheese. and only strawberry jam. because they go great together. hm, that sounds sorta good now...

sotd: one armed scissor by at the drive-in

steel

the other night i was curious about how kat-tun and dbsk (tohoshinki in jp) viewed each other, and went on a little interwebs expedition...

dappled by the light

back to school! for once, a monday is not so bad.

chocolate kiss secret

idk what's up with the title, but today felt sweet. i spent the day watching shows and messing around with my site. i've joined my first webring, hopefully! just sent in the form, is all~

tomorrow is back to school. it feels a little strange, after a whole night of extravagance. like, was that even real? i felt like a totally different person-- but then again, i am a wholly different person in the outside world. and i suppose that won't be remedied anytime soon. anyway.

another note i forgot to mention about that night. everyone looked stunning! each outfit was so beautiful, highlighting everyone's appearances in the most amazing ways. i swear i was so jealous of everyone i looked at... to be frank, i wanted to join fashion design as an elective if i ever had space(-- but when i finally got it, i didn't because of how badly i suck at drawing. how could i make good designs if i can't draw?), and i mainly wanted to make pretty dresses. 

dresses, to me, are some of the most versatile designs of all. anyone can pull of a dress that suits them. and there are so many different types! even though i don't like wearing dresses anymore, i can always admire the work that went into them, and the vision.

sotd: real face #1 by kat-tun

sparkly sparkle

[almost] everything hurts. but not in a bad way!!!

tonight, a night of a full moon and heart, was prom~ 

on the deck

honestly i wasn't thinking of having similar titles today-- i just wrote it down and then remembered oh. i already wrote a title about seafaring. but who cares!!! this is my blog after all~

another uneventful day! thank goodness. this week back (even though it's only the first week back from break) has been so tiring. i'm looking forward to the weekend, mostly. especially because i have no homework~ (well, a little homework, but it's practice for myself.)

anyway. i'm also thinking of what songs to add to my site. i feel as if i should start joining webrings and fanlistings for that site, since it's sort of my landing page. i think that would be nice. dunno about the little navbar going on... the ones i have there... they're all going to be music shrines-ish, so i think i should put them all under one tab / page and go from there... but i love their titles!!! *sob*

random, but today we learned about matrices. they seem pretty cool, at least for now. i'm concerned at how easy they currently are-- because that means in reality, we're getting into something even more difficult than is perceived. oh cod.

sotd: secret secret by perfume

on the ocean

still feeling strange, but again, it's okay. a good chunk of it is because i haven't been sleeping well, but i hope to get a good nap in today. and play some more dw7! i haven't really had much homework as well, which is good.

i'm afraid i don't really have much to say today. though, i've been relistening to today's sotd in my head a lot, and i think i figured out why. 

on the windowsill

today was a good, uneventful day. i think i've figured out most of my css grievances on the new site, which is good. i have, like, one question to ask around for... but other than that, everything's good. so i can start adding content now~ 

i'm a little down right now, but somehow it's familiar.

metro retro

still coding my little landing page site, bcuz duh i am!!! also technically it will never be over (like this blog), but y'know. it's gonna be a while until i can actually get some content down. because frankly, i didn't really go into this one with a clear vision for how it would look. i just had the sense i had to start coding again because, well, i was distressed. 

it's a bit strange. my adventures of the old web have suddenly become comforting to me, despite the fact that i'm often too anxious to post much elsewhere.

nekoweb is a pretty interesting site. it's definitely easier on the eyes, that's for sure-- i don't feel like my corneas are burning. but i prefer the file manager of neocities (and the fact that neocities has more storage-- but none of my sites have taken up a lot of storage yet so who cares). i'm also totally confused by how the site box css works, but i think that's just a me thing. i'll mess with it when i'm done with the main site.

sotd: tell me by wonder girls

last ditch attempt

i did so poorly on an ap chem quiz today-- the first day back from break-- that i made another site to save my sanity. a fire was lit under my feet, but for all the wrong things. my brain and heart can't decide just how upset to be, like i forgot how to calculate dilutions regarding how much of each compound to add to a specific amount of water. everything is frazzled and i just want to crawl under my bed even though i can't because the space underneath my bed is storage.

if this is senioritis please find a cure. i must... i have to at least bring this up by .4 in the next seven weeks, lest everything falls apart.

sotd: rhiannon by fleetwood mac

splinter

i should have been doing homework, but i made a kat-tun song rec quiz instead~ 

today's the final day of break... ugh i am not excited at all. because after this, there's no more breaks other than summer break and then it's...... real life!!!!!!!!!! oh my cod, terrifying. 

proceed with caution.

adzuki beans

fun day today! i went out to a little skincare / makeup shop with my mom and got some things! i usually don't like the feeling of makeup on me, but i want to try some cool looks! i want to be a little more creative with my expression than i usually am.

published my first quiz on quotev the other day! mei's butler and idols... lots of fun, actually~ i'm shocked at the results too, it sort of motivated me to make another one... i don't think it will reach as far, but it's lots of fun! i love having things to busy myself with... even though i have some homework due on monday night...

as for today's sotd, i listened to it for the first time last night. and fell in love immediately, obvi!!!!! it sounds perfect for a drama, one like boys over flowers (which i dislike, but i can't deny the soundtrack slaps). maybe i could write a fanfic based around it? lolz.

sotd: love sick by f.t. island

do about anything

ok, well. the book i picked up that i said was bad? i, uh, finished it in a day. and by a day, i mean today. just a few minutes ago.

capillaries like lightning

was hoping to go to the library today, but wasn't able to... i had a hard time sleeping last night, which is sort of strange? i haven't slept that badly in years, and usually that's because of stress, but i'm not feeling very stressed...

well, that's a lie. i'm a little stressed-- it's already the later half of the break, and i'm thinking of returning. i don't want to...

spiky spike

went on a short adventure today~ got some donuts, went to a secondhand book shop, and walked through an interesting historical district. it had lots of stores with pretty antiques, even a tea shop! had some yummy ice cream as well-- vanilla with hot fudge. :3 

my mom cut my hair the other day. she isn't really happy with how it turned out (too short), but i am. because of how short it is, it sticks up and out more now. feels cool and spiky, like some old video game protagonist. though, i still wouldn't like anyone from school seeing me with my hair out of its normal style.

i haven't had much time to watch the shows and movies i've been meaning to, tho~ hope i can tomorrow~

sotd: foolish by ashanti

multiplicity

uhhh, april fools! um. even though i have nothing funny to share................ uhhhhh.................... april foul--

well. actually, i... may have a problem. i want to make another site.