in the back of my mouth

hello! eugene here once more, updating the super sweet and cool exclusive diary.

today was actually a pretty good monday. i got a lot done, and made up the work i needed to from my field trip on friday. i also still feel pretty sociable and confident, in the way i mentioned on sunday. it still has me a little worried for how my impulsiveness will factor in for the next few days (or however long this boost will last), but i think i'll be okay... maybe all this confidence is a good thing. i'm not used to it.

a story about today's song of the day, which i haven't really heard in a long time, but i will forever associate with a beautiful memory, somewhat ironically.

in the first few months of the year, one of my friends invited me to a birthday party. she was a somewhat new friend, the vice president of the k-pop club i formed, and one grade above me. a senior. which isn't super important now, but might be later. and it was the first birthday party i had gone to since elementary school, so i was all excited about what to wear and getting her a good gift, and being there on time and, well, you know. having a good time with her and everyone else.

anyway. it was a karaoke party. the room had the little spinning ball at the top for the lights, and two microphones, and fancy leather couches and tvs, and glass tables for food and desserts. and it was super cute with floral and butterfly-themed decor. my friend and her mom made passion fruit panna cotta, which was really delicious.

i mostly foresaw myself staying at the edges of the party, to myself, but a lot of mutual friends were there, and i sang and chatted with them, and we laughed and had a good time. 

another one of my friends sang a few solo ballads. this was one of them. she had a beautiful voice, and hit every note regardless of what song it was. and as someone who had never heard the song before, i was captivated. it stuck with me beyond the karaoke room, and i downloaded it soon after. my friend's voice, combined with the haunting lyrics and melancholy background made that song important to me in no time at all. 

when i listen to that song now, i think of when we all stepped out of the karaoke place, into the crisp, breezy night. it wasn't too cold, but it wasn't warm either. the sky above was clear save for a few murky clouds, and the moon shone bright with few stars alongside it.

it sort of struck me, then, that this wouldn't be forever. time was moving, as it always did and always will. my friends were graduating, and would leave. soon enough, i would graduate too. i wondered if we'd still talk-- a lot of the people in my life said they didn't talk to a lot of their high school friends after graduation, which i get, but still wondered about-- and if we'd ever eventually forget about each other. i wondered if we'd see each other at all, even in passing.

i found it unlikely then. frankly, i still do. but i hold the greatest esteem that they will all go far in life and be happy. perhaps we will meet. perhaps they will think of me the same.

love finds the most interesting things to attach to. and as cruel as time can be, it allows us to know what is most valuable in our lives, it makes us know what to live for. 

sotd: safe & sound by taylor swift ft. the civil wars