slip into the void

it's a bit random, but if i don't record it i feel as if no real change will occur.

my sleep schedule is very strange. at least in the current context of the world. and all things considered, i need to change it. 

i'm someone who gets tired really, really easily. like, i can be up for a few hours and then need to go lie down again, even if i'm completely full and well-hydrated. i don't know if it's because of how my mind races, or if something else is up with my body (i eat well and do a lot of walking and dancing, so i don't know what's wrong), but i just tire out easily.

so, usually i end up taking really long naps in the middle of the day. like, 2-4 hour naps. which aren't healthy, i know, it does weird things. but it's the only way i can actually be awake enough to do the homework i have to. 

and then i wake up and stay awake for another 4-5 hours or so. sometimes 6 if i can't get my brain to focus well enough. and then i sleep again for another 4-6 hours. 

this worked for me in high school (though my nap times were a liiiiiittle shorter) because of how i got off of school earlier and woke up earlier, so then my actual sleep time wouldn't be that bad. and, after all, i got more done since i wasn't so exhausted all the time.

i'm not... very sure if this works now, though. not only because of my irregular sleep times (as in, not the same for each day), but since the work is a lot less varied, i can't focus as well and instead become very bored. do the thing bored, i know, but something else has to change in order to accommodate both needs.

i don't think it would be good for me to immediately stop taking naps. such a sharp change would likely do more harm than good for a time. but perhaps i could try to get home earlier, or take shorted naps. i should set an alarm, and place it faraway from my bed so i actually have to get up. that's the thing i think-- i catch myself waking up earlier, but i turn my head and then immediately fall asleep for another hour, thinking i can pay attention to whatever video i have playing. lolz.

it's a plan... a plan............

in other news.

today was enrollment day for a lot of people, including myself, so our professor allowed a short ten minute break. i love being in a room when people are talking amicably. the energy is so pleasant :) my enrollment time was a little earlier than it, but i still got my classes in. and so far, i've gotten the ones i wanted!!! so happy. 

i don't recall if i've mentioned this yet or not, but i might... pursue a korean degree instead? it's completely new, but the classes are all so interesting. i enrolled in elementary korean and korean pop culture courses, and then i have two others to fulfill my breadth requirements...

the only thing is that. i don't know what i'd do with a foreign language degree. but also. what would i do with an english degree? and in general in this economy, everything sucks. so why not try to do something i ultimately love, knowing i've done all i can to make this experience fulfilling? and besides, what does it matter, if i ultimately end up in a field that requires neither? 

part of me is still wishing i picked up an english class, because of my love. but ultimately... i feel as if i only love writing? don't get me wrong, i love reading as well, but reading for class can be... i dunno...

i could double major, maybe, or pick up a minor. but i don't know if my brain is up to that, and if i'll get enough aid for it. my school also allows you to sort of... make a major of your own? if that makes sense? interdisciplinary studies, or something like that.

i guess i'll figure it out somehow. with my racing mind, it's all i have, really.

sotd: holding back the tears by dbsk