my love is...

deep sighs. i gotta get up super early tomorrow for an event, so i'm trying my hardest not to take a nap right now. but my bed, my sleep... i love it too much... no!!! i mustn't!!!

i know i've been saying this way too often, but i'm once more thinking about what subjects i want to pursue later. in my other classes today, i found myself wishing i was in an english class. not just my english class, the specific period i had it, but just an english class in general. the atmosphere of english classes are always so comforting to me (even when i have to give anxiety- and -tear-inducing presentations or speeches). they're always warm and bright, they have their own little libraries. and the teachers are always nice (at least, in my experience and at my school). when i leave, i will miss it deeply.

so then, someone would say, "well, since you love english so much, why don't you go into it in college/career?"

that's... my entire problem. what if i do way too much of it in college/career, and end up hating it? if i hated writing, or hit another block and broke my brain like i did in middle school, i wouldn't know what to do. but... it's what fuels me. it's what fills my heart with warmth and excitement. it makes me so happy.

well. i guess we'll figure out those hurdles when we get there.

sotd: dahlia by (g)-idle