is our love star-crossed?

i've been thinking a lot about the above line from gregory and the hawk's song for the best.

is our love star-crossed? 'cause all i feel is that i'm caught in it. 

(just a brief heads-up, i sort of cover unhealthy relationship dynamics here. again, it's not very detailed (AND NOT RELATED TO THE IMAGE ABOVE AT ALL, the image is how i feel about this song), but i wanted to warn just in case.)

okay, truthfully i've always thought a lot about it. it's one of the songs i've most obsessed over, ever! the simplicity of its composition, the gentle strumming of the guitar, the whispery voice that holds back so much longing, the vulnerability, and the uncertainty.

to start broadly, i think this song (not checking genius here) is about someone who gives mixed signals, in the eyes of someone who's infatuated with them. perhaps they're even moving towards a relationship, but it appears to be rocky. at the very beginning of this story, the singer mixes fears up with friends-- nervousness for positive anticipation. is this connection ultimately good or bad for them?

this flip-flop is compounded by the idea that the apple of their eye isn't very forthcoming with their emotions. the singer can't really tell if this person loves them the same way, or with the same intensity as they wonder if they "dance inside [the other person's] head." for once, just once, they want the other person to bare their heart and be with them, let them in. "i really hope you're on at eight, with no commercial breaks" - that would be a good episode, right? a good time, perhaps even relaxing at such an hour. it would bring them relief to know that they aren't imagining the other person's affection. that their "skin isn't so hard."

and i would say they aren't forthcoming at all, if it weren't for that small note that they call the singer "their last," their final partner. as their words don't exactly match with their actions, the singer wonders if this person actually hopes for it and means it. 

it sort of reminds me of the "i can fix them" phenomena, but i'm not 100% sure that's the case. i think it could also be that their partner had poor past relationships and they're extremely wary, as the singer references a checkered past. at first, i thought it was more general, in regards to a whole variety of past decisions rather than just ones in love. overall, this song is a really interesting use of language, to me. is this person wounded, or someone who wounds? perhaps both.

there's this one line i sort of can't get past, though: "i really want to go to bed with the feeling in my chest that i've lost again, but this time for the best." i can't put my finger on what the singer wants to lose. is it this game of love? finally, this other person loves me more than i love them, and it's not unrequited? that's my main guess, but i'm not sure...

... the reason why i bring this song up is that i view it a little differently now. see, until recently, i thought star-crossed lover was another way to say soulmates. i was very wrong. star-crossed lovers are lovers who come together once, but are ultimately ripped apart. supposed to be very tragic-- romeo and juliet are often used as an example.

i suppose it's in the same ballpark as right person, wrong time? i don't know if i really like to view broken relationships as that, though. if it didn't work out, it didn't work out. there's so many people in the world. and there are so many paths and avenues we can go down, so many choices to make, from our free will. fate is... a strange thing to think of, then.

but then again, i've never been in a relationship. so what do i know about how it feels?

i digress. instead of soulmates, being each other's last, they could instead be fated for tragedy. instead of hope, there's a tinge of despair and even frustration. despite the words the other person says, the singer's first instinct is to think that it won't last, despite it consuming them. but they've already given so much, it wouldn't be too bad to give more. if they love this other person like they did from afar (before the possibility of a relationship was being entertained), perhaps things could be better. perhaps. maybe. 

but nothing's certain. the singer's emotions are already on the table. what about their opposite?

if i can interject my thoughts on the situation at hand, i would advise the singer not to continue pursuing this relationship. i think a relationship should have open communication, especially about how you feel towards the other person. to leave someone hanging or even begging like this, regardless of reason, is a cruel thing to do. but i should hope the singer can also realize this and pour that love back into themself. 

... to briefly come back to the "simplicity" i mentioned earlier, such really hammers in all the raw intentions of the song to me. it can be hard to describe your emotions. the words used can be complex, and comprehensible only to yourself sometimes. but they're there. their presence is undeniable, and sometimes all you can say is that they exist. but they exist nonetheless, in all their potential and power.

there's a lot for me to stress over these days. but right here and right now, i'm calm and happy. i'm glad to be here with you guys.

sweet dreams. i hope the songs of the cosmos and all that's beautiful in this world will be your companions in sleep.